Connection is something humans crave the most, yet at times find it most elusive. We all want to feel seen, heard, and understood, especially in our closest relationships. But often, our attempts at connection are hindered by our communication style, which is heavily influenced by our upbringing and societal norms.
In this episode, Dr. Glenn and Phyllis Hill share their journey of discovery and healing. They introduce the concept of “following the energy” and the power of asking “what happens” to enhance emotional connection in relationships.
Let’s explore this approach in more detail.
What is “Following the Energy”?Following the energy is a way of connecting with others by observing and acknowledging their energy. It involves discovering what is happening for the person by just observing their body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions. By following their energy, you create an environment that feels safe for them, allowing them to open up in a deeper way.
Dr. Glenn and Phyllis Hill discovered that traditional counseling methods often ask “why,” which can trigger the defense mechanisms of the other person, leading to disconnection. But, when they began asking “what happens,” it allowed the person to pause, reflect, and express themselves more meaningfully.
The Three Phrases Technique:
Dr. Glenn and Phyllis Hill also introduced a powerful technique called “Three Phrases,” which can be used in any conversation to enhance emotional connection. It involves three phrases: “Oh,” “Whoa,” and “Babe.”The first one is “Oh,” an audible response that triggers the brain in a different way than being silent during a conversation. The second one is “Whoa,” which can be used to pause and convey surprise or shock. These two phrases are used to express emotions without explaining or rationalizing them. The last phrase is “Babe,” used to seek reassurance and convey vulnerability. This technique can help conversations move to a deeper level, allowing for greater emotional understanding.
Emotions: The Common Thread:
Understanding emotions is an essential aspect of any healthy relationship. Emotions can play a powerful role in the way we communicate with our partners, and being aware of the five core emotions we all share, namely happiness, sadness, anger, fear, and shame, can help us respond more effectively.
Dr. Glenn and Phyllis Hill also emphasized the importance of emotional depth and safety in sexual connection. Without an emotional connection, sex may not result in a fulfilling experience. They stressed that emotional disconnection and lack of safety can impact one’s sex life greatly. Communicating with each other and tuning in to emotions without trying to fix or reassure your partner is an effective tool for emotional connection during sex.
In summary, the key to enhancing emotional connection is to ask “what happens,” instead of “why,” observe and acknowledge the person’s energy, and use the “Three Phrases” technique to express emotions. Understanding emotions and fostering emotional safety is key to deeper connections, including in sexual relationships. As we improve our communication and connection with ourselves and our partners, we can build stronger connections, better relationships, and a more fulfilling life. So, next time you are struggling to connect with your partner, remember the power of asking, “What happens.”
